Saturday, January 13, 2018

Standing On The Edge

When you are standing on the edge not sure which direction to go with your life and everything else has fallen back behind you; it leaves everything wide open.

That is how I have been feeling lately. Free- free of feeling burdened, free of being under someones thumb, free from decisions that have been made for you in the past. Feeling free is a great feeling. I am learning more and more about myself every day and am more confident than I have ever been. 

He is no longer in a treatment centre but that is not holding me down. That is his decision and he needs to live with his decisions. None of that is on me. I am done with that part of my life. Onward and upwards.

I have been making plans for this year and it is going to be great. I am planning a trip to Las Vegas with a couple of friends as well as making personal plans like trying skydiving at some point this spring.

On the other side of things I am also planning on opening an Etsy shop to start selling my crochet. I have been getting better and better at it enough that I think it is getting to be time. I will succeed because I want to. I am happy in my life and am thankful for all of my blessings like the good friends I have and a wonderful family who loves me just as much as I love them.

Still figuring everything out but it is all coming together.

Have you ever celebrated your freedom before? How did you do it?

Friday, December 29, 2017

Deciding The New Year

I am taking a little time right now to reflect on how I want the upcoming year to look like and what I want to accomplish.

Stay Tuned...

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Moments of Clarity

This last year has been a real eye opener. I have learned things about myself like how strong I am and how to deal with the unfortunate dealings that have gone on.  The wool is no longer over my eyes. On some levels it is making me ask more questions than I know I will ever have answers for.

I am feeling at peace with things though. Is my life turning out the way I thought it would, the simple answer is no it's not.

I am grateful that I have the opportunity to redesign my life at this particular stage in my life. Bring it on universe I am open to all the wonderful things that you have planned for me.

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Getting Back At It Run

Sunday morning came with cloudiness and rain. Even though it was yucky out I decided it was now or never to get back out there and get a run in. It was a little slow going but it felt good to get back out there.

I was feeling a little down on myself over the few days. I guess I am getting scared that I was starting to slip back into my old self sabotaging and overly critical ways and that the run would help get rid of some of that. Luckily it worked. I felt calm and positive for the rest of the day.

At least now I see it when I start to back slide towards my own self negativity. That is when I am most vulnerable to depression. So for now I am going to be thankful. Thankful for the opportunity and ability to run and to see when it is starting to go sideways. I definitely need to keep on top of the running for my own sanity sake.

Do you recognize when you are starting to backslide into depression? What you do find helps pull you out?

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Learning Self Confidence

It has been a very enlightening few months for me. I keep learning more and more about myself and what I am learning I am liking.  I realize that everything over the last few years has been difficult but I have never had that much confidence.

Through all of these changes over the last few months I have found that my confidence is starting to build. People like me and I like people. I have friends that I hold dear and am learning how to assert myself when needed.

That is not to say that everything is perfect as it is far from and I do have rough days that cause me to feel like I am sliding backwards. However, I am learning how to deal with those negative emotions and nip any nagging self destructive tapes that I have playing in the bud.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Sunday Morning Snuggle And Run

This morning has been a good morning. First thing I got was snuggles and love from my Heidi. She is such a cuddle bum. After having a couple of coffees I decided that even though it was kind of yucky outside I would go for a little run.

I had taken the last week of running off so that I would have all this extra time to bond with Heidi. I plan on trying to get her to run with me but am waiting until the end of November to make sure she is extra bonded.

It was an amazing run. It felt easy like it used to years ago. I truly believe that all of the rough runs I have had in the last couple of years was a mental block.  As now that I am happy I am finding it easier to run.

Things are still looking up. He has tried to contact me a few times but I am not interested in talking with him at this point as I see it as a pointless activity. Especially since everything that has happened over the last year. I am focusing on me and learning to love me and starting to enjoy my life.